Remember when you first went natural? Maybe it was a big deal when you transitioned and maybe it was nothing to you when you got your “sistah-gurl” on and did the Big Chop, either way becoming a naturalista is a life-changing experience for all who choose that journey.
It takes time, patience, effort, and love to get the hang of caring for your hair. There is excitement about going natural that brings out all kinds of emotions, feelings, and thoughts that can hold you back or help you move forward.
Others will be curious about your natural hair, want to touch it, and say positive or negative things about your hair. You give suggestions and tips on how to care for their natural hair and absolutely love the help you are giving.
We see “stop getting relaxers and love your God-intended hair” and “your man will appreciate your natural look.” All of this is so encouraging to naturalistas and what we believe is the right decision for our own hair….but what about the relaxed sisters? Are you supportive and encouraging in your healthy hair? Well, let’s find out! Here are 5 things a naturalista shouldn’t say to relaxed-haired women:
1. “You should never get relaxers”
This is the first and foremost statement you should not say to a relaxed-haired woman. I saw a natural cashier say to a relaxed-hair woman to not buy that [pointing at the box of relaxer] and she should never get relaxers.
But the woman said, “please ring up my creamy crack, thank you.” I mean, its rude and definitely not your place to tell another woman what she should and should not do to her hair.
2. Negative stories of your relaxer experience
“I remember the last time I got a relaxer…” and you start to tell your most horrible permed experience without any regard of how she might feel. I mean, who does that?
Also lectures about self esteem and that relaxing your hair automatically means that you want to have hair like white women does not apply to everyone.
And you don’t need to add, “that’s why I don’t get a relaxer and never will.” All of this negative energy needs to have several seats.
3. “You are damaging your hair with those chemicals”
Then you want to add reasons to never get relaxers: “they cause permanent hair loss,” “you can’t retain your length cause you keep damaging your hair with relaxers,” “there are other brands that cater to tangle-free hair that can keep your hair smooth and frizz free without the damaging…” Really?! This woman does not have the time to hear why the relaxer she chooses for her hair is damaging. What if her hair is waist length, has shine to it, looks very healthy, with no split ends, what is your argument then?
4. “Why do you keep relaxing your hair?”
This question can be as irritating as, “why did you decided to go back to natural?” I mean, naturalistas would have a fit and say, “I didn’t go back, but returned…” Okay? So no need to tell a relaxed-haired woman, “are you ashamed of your heritage?” “Is that how you can only keep your job?” “It’s a lot of maintenance, time, and money right?” Why are you picking? Just like other styling options, caring for your hair takes time, energy, love, money, patience, and maintenance. So why would relaxing your hair be any different? Matter of fact, why does she need to give you answer?
5. “One day, you will be natural…just start today!”
Who says that to another grown woman? There is no need to put out a campaign on banning relaxers to be a naturalista. Saying things like, “I’m glad I made the decision for me,” “everyone is doing it…you will have lots of support,” “you might as well start…want to talk about transitioning?” This is being pushy and not caring about her own hair wants and needs, but the feelings and overwhelming emotions of your own. Let her live her relaxed-haired life.
So in the end, we all say it: do what’s best for you and your hair. If a woman wants to get a relaxer and stay on the creamy crack, let her do her thing. If she asks you about hair tips, don’t blow up in her face about the damaging and disgusting effects of relaxers. Talk about moisture, sealing, deep conditioning, and other things for healthy hair care. Give advice without beating another woman down based on her hair wants. There are some women who just don’t like the natural look for them and should not have to explain why they relax their hair…just like why we chose to be naturalistas. Don’t be a pushy naturalista and try to recruit newbie naturals this way.
What would you add to the list? LEAVE BELOW